What to do when your child is bullied?
Joel showed signs of not looking forward to school during his kindergarten 2 stage and early months when he was in primary 1. Further observations, I could see he's having mild anxiety or lose of confidence when talking about school With some gentle probing, Joel started to share in bits and pieces about a boy in school calling him names, calling other classmates to avoid him and claiming they are more superior to him. In both situations, the bullying pattern are similar but of course is done by different person.
He has since resolved the issue, but recently, one of my friend mentioned a similar challenge that her son is being bullied in school and is not enjoying classes. In fact, it's causing him some anxiety.
There are occasions that our children may encounter bullies in school, parents should consistently be kept abreast of how your kids are doing and whether they are enjoying their school time. These are best opportunities to find out whether they are doing fine socially, and friends/lessons are not causing them any anxiety or lose of confidence. Frequent updates/communication is critical as not all children are open to sharing pro-actively with their parents whether they are engaging well with their friends in school. This maybe even more the situation when the kids are in their teens, however, with consistent bonding with the children since young will definitely help.
- lose of interest or showing anxiety when talking about school
- avoiding topics of school friends and activities
- lose of confidence
I recalled in one of the episode of "Little Bill" a children's cartoon program, Little Bill ran into a bully, and his father actually advised him to just repeat the question "So?" to every comment the bully made. This actually turned the entire situation around and the kid eventually befriend Little Bill.
There maybe many other more effective ways to overcome bullies. In Joel's situation, both bullies eventually gave up and became his buddy friends. I hope, as you come across this blog, you find some of the information helpful. As we know, every parents have their own tips and tricks, do feel free to drop in your comments and advise, so that we can all learn from each other's experience!
Take care !
He has since resolved the issue, but recently, one of my friend mentioned a similar challenge that her son is being bullied in school and is not enjoying classes. In fact, it's causing him some anxiety.
How to find out if our children are being bullied?
There are occasions that our children may encounter bullies in school, parents should consistently be kept abreast of how your kids are doing and whether they are enjoying their school time. These are best opportunities to find out whether they are doing fine socially, and friends/lessons are not causing them any anxiety or lose of confidence. Frequent updates/communication is critical as not all children are open to sharing pro-actively with their parents whether they are engaging well with their friends in school. This maybe even more the situation when the kids are in their teens, however, with consistent bonding with the children since young will definitely help.
Otherwise, look out for signs such as:
- sudden change in temperament?- lose of interest or showing anxiety when talking about school
- avoiding topics of school friends and activities
- lose of confidence
How can parents help in such situations?
- Definitely assuring the child that we will always be offering our caring, listening ears would be critical.
- Patiently listen, and gently ask for further understanding, such as name of the bully, is a sole or group bully? when this started? how did this start? any specific reason that triggered the incidences?
- With further understanding, we could suggest the child to most importantly be confident in himself, assure the child he/she is special, capable and loved.
- Advise the child to walk away from the scene of bully, do not show signs he is being affected. As most bullies are best rewarded when they see that the other party is affected emotionally.
- If the child is confident enough, advise him to look at the bully in the face and tell him to stop and walk away in a firm tone.(NOT HYSTERICAL)
- If all fails, approach a teacher for advise and seek help to handle the situation.
- Ensure the child is not a loner, advise him to make sure he is has a social group, as this will decrease opportunities he gets bullied when surrounded by friends.
- The child may also try to make light of the bully's approach, showing that he is not bothered and once the bully sees that the victim is nonchalant to his approach, usually they will move on to next better target or give up totally.
- Role play is a very good approach to demonstrate to the child how this can be handled. Both my husband and myself, did a few rounds of role play how he could react in some of the situations. We even got his younger siblings to participate and in some occasions we made light of the whole scenario, and this should also help the child understand and see that the situation may not be that serious.
I recalled in one of the episode of "Little Bill" a children's cartoon program, Little Bill ran into a bully, and his father actually advised him to just repeat the question "So?" to every comment the bully made. This actually turned the entire situation around and the kid eventually befriend Little Bill.
There maybe many other more effective ways to overcome bullies. In Joel's situation, both bullies eventually gave up and became his buddy friends. I hope, as you come across this blog, you find some of the information helpful. As we know, every parents have their own tips and tricks, do feel free to drop in your comments and advise, so that we can all learn from each other's experience!
Take care !
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